2022.09.27. 04:18, mayden
Papp Zoltn:Spiteful Sea Monster
A Screenplay by Zoltan
EXT. A LIBRARY - AFTERNOON
Friendly scout LORD BOB ZEUS is arguing with considerate housekeeper MRS HEATHER BUTTERSCOTCH. BOB tries to hug HEATHER but she shakes him off.
BOB
Please Heather, don't leave me.
HEATHER
I'm sorry Bob, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
BOB
I am such a person!
HEATHER frowns.
HEATHER
I'm sorry, Bob. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
HEATHER leaves.
BOB sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, incredible actor DR GARY SMART barges in looking flustered.
BOB
Goodness, Gary! Is everything okay?
GARY
I'm afraid not.
BOB
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
GARY
It's ... a sea monster ... I saw an evil sea monster rob a bunch of babies!
BOB
Defenseless babies?
GARY
Yes, defenseless babies!
BOB
Bloomin' heck, Gary! We've got to do something.
GARY
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
BOB
You can start by telling me where this happened.
GARY
I was...
GARY fans himself and begins to wheeze.
BOB
Focus Gary, focus! Where did it happen?
GARY
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
BOB springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
BOB rushes along the street, followed by GARY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
MILDRED BUTTERSCOTCH a spiteful sea monster terrorises two babies.
BOB, closely followed by GARY, rushes towards MILDRED, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
GARY
What is is? What's the matter?
BOB
That's not just any old sea monster, that's Mildred Butterscotch!
GARY
Who's Mildred Butterscotch?
BOB
Who's Mildred Butterscotch? Who's Mildred Butterscotch? Only the most spiteful sea monster in the universe!
GARY
Blinkin' knickers, Bob! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful sea monster in the universe!
BOB
You can say that again.
GARY
Blinkin' knickers, Bob! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful sea monster in the universe!
BOB
I'm going to need razors, lots of razors.
Mildred turns and sees Bob and Gary. She grins an evil grin.
MILDRED
Bob Zeus, we meet again.
GARY
You've met?
BOB
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young BOB is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees MILDRED. He takes off his headphones.
MILDRED
Would you like some wine gums?
BOB's eyes light up, but then he studies MILDRED more closely, and looks uneasy.
BOB
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
MILDRED
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful sea monster in the world.
BOB
Wait, you're a sea monster?
BOB runs away, screaming.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
MILDRED
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
GARY
(To BOB) You ran away?
BOB
(To GARY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
BOB turns to MILDRED.
BOB
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
BOB runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
BOB
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with razors.
MILDRED
I'm not scared of you.
BOB
You should be.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY
BOB and GARY walk around searching for something.
BOB
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.
GARY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.
BOB
You know nothing Gary Smart.
GARY
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, MILDRED appears, holding a pair of razors.
MILDRED
Looking for something?
GARY
Crikey, Bob, she's got your razors.
BOB
Tell me something I don't already know!
GARY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
BOB
I know that already!
GARY
I pick my nose and eat it.
MILDRED
(appalled) Dude!
While MILDRED is looking at GARY with disgust, BOB lunges forward and grabs his deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.
BOB
Prepare to die, you spiteful sprout!
MILDRED
No please! All I did was rob a bunch of babies!
HEATHER enters, unseen by any of the others.
BOB
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those babies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Bob Zeus defender of innocent babies.
MILDRED
Don't hurt me! Please!
BOB
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these razors on you right away!
MILDRED
Because Bob, I am your mother.
BOB looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
BOB
No you're not!
MILDRED
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
MILDRED tries to grab the razors but BOB dodges out of the way.
BOB
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, MILDRED slumps to the ground.
GARY
Did she just faint?
BOB
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.
BOB crouches over MILDRED's body.
GARY
Be careful, Bob. It could be a trick.
BOB
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Mildred Butterscotch is dead!
BOB
What?
BOB
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
GARY claps his hands.
GARY
So your razors did save the day, after all.
HEATHER steps forward.
HEATHER
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful sea monster?
BOB
Heather how long have you been...?
HEATHER puts her arm around BOB.
HEATHER
Long enough.
BOB
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Mildred Butterscotch.
HEATHER
Then the babies are safe?
BOB
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable babies enter, looking relived.
HEATHER
You are their hero.
The babies bow to BOB.
BOB
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Mildred Butterscotch will never rob babies ever again, is enough for me.
HEATHER
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the babies passes BOB a tinkling ring
HEATHER
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
BOB
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
BOB
Well, if you insist.
BOB takes the ring.
BOB
Thank you.
The babies bow their heads once more, and leave.
BOB turns to HEATHER.
BOB
Does this mean you want me back?
HEATHER
Oh, Bob, of course I want you back!
BOB smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
BOB
Well you can't have me.
HEATHER
WHAT?
BOB
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a sea monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
HEATHER
But...
BOB
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Gary.
GARY grins.
HEATHER
But...
GARY
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
HEATHER
Bob?
BOB
I'm sorry Heather, but I think you should skidaddle.
HEATHER leaves.
GARY turns to BOB.
GARY
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
BOB
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly GARY stops.
GARY
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the sea monster don't you?
THE END
Tata,2022.szeptember 27.
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